Zen and the Short Pencil, Chapter Five

 

CHAPTER FIVE: FROM TEAM TO TRIBE

“The Necessity of Companionship"

“The important thing is not to think much but to love much; and so do that which best stirs you to love” –St. Teresa of Avila (1515-1582).

Six weeks ago, just after Ash Wednesday, I began to “open up” to everyone about my sudden and unexpected onset of chronic lung disease which was exactly concurrent with the beginning of my retirement. I promised to share a brief essay each week during Lent to “tell my story, for what it is worth, in hopes that it might help someone.” Since then, something more than 260 friends have asked to be “tagged” on the weekly posts, and many have commented that something in the sharing has blessed them. I continue to be in awe of this response, and I continue to be thankful for your prayers and kind words.

As I have shared with you during this season of Lent, the first six months of my journey was a journey that I did not see coming and yet was something that God may have been preparing me for throughout my entire life. Lent is a season when we are reminded of our mortal nature, and we are never more conscious of our mortality than when we are given a life-threatening diagnosis.

Earlier I shared that I was thankful for so many things that God has provided for me, some of which I had probably taken for granted. When you are reminded of your mortality every single day, you become aware that some things are simply not as important as you might have thought they were; and some things are more so.

As Lent comes to a close, I would like to share a word of testimony about one thing that has been sustaining me along the way. That one thing is companionship.

In my case, the divine gift of companionship has taken many forms:

One, my team. When I first got home from the hospital and figured out that I was not going to immediately recover and go back about my business, I reached out to about 20 people, about half of whom were family who needed to know, and the other half being friends whom I had more or less kept in touch with through the years. I trusted them with the unfolding information which I have now shared with you and asked them for their support in conversation and prayer.

Beyond my team, I am part of a small group of spiritual directors who meet with a larger group once a year and meet together once a month for conversation, centering prayer, and lectio divina. I refer to this group as my tribe.

My spiritual director. Your spiritual director is not your pastor, not your therapist, but is a person who is gifted and called to walk alongside you on your journey and to help you to see, to notice, and to discern where God may be at work in your life in the present. Everyone should have a spiritual director. Spiritual Directors International is a good place to find someone who may be a good “fit” for you. Aside from that, God may just send you someone from “off the grid.”

My wider circle of friends. Since I have started writing again and sharing these posts, I have been humbled and amazed at hearing from so many friends, colleagues, members of churches and communities where I have served, others who have reached out. When I first started sharing, a buddy from my college days commented that my team had grown!

My dog. Yes, Dixie. She is a ten-year-old rescue, and she almost never leaves my side.

The ancestors.  As you may know, Buchanan is a Scottish name, and in the Scotch-Irish Celtic tradition, we believe the ancestors are always somewhere near. They are like the “great cloud of witnesses” mentioned in Hebrews 12:1, whom we celebrate on All Saints’ Day. Walking around in the backyard and seeing a red cardinal on a branch is a reminder that the ancestors are nearby.

The Spirit of God.  Even in the brain-fog that goes with low oxygen, the Spirit of God is always present.

Physical reminders. When I first moved in after getting home from the hospital, I was thankful for the stack of greeting cards that I had received from my retirement party and for the big green peace lily which is the only plant in my house. These gifts represent the love and prayers that were so fresh on my mind that I felt the presence of these friends for many days after.

There can be many manifestations of companionship. I believe all of these are gifts of God, and in some ways may be a manifestation of God’s own companionship with us. Many find companionship within communities of faith, the church. Community is not the same as companionship, but companionship may be one of the basic building blocks of community.

Tomorrow will be Maundy Thursday – the Thursday of Holy Week, three days before Easter. Maundy Thursday gets its name from John 13:34-35 – “a new commandment (mandatum novum in Latin) I give you; that you love one another, even as I have loved you that you also love one another. By this all people will know you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Jesus has washed his disciples’ feet, dismissed Judas, and has turned to the eleven to give his last words to them at their last supper together. In that intimate moment, mere hours before his arrest, what is the most urgent, compelling, important thing that the departing Christ has to say to his followers?

“I’m commanding you to love one another.”

That’s it. The “new commandment.”

Every year in the liturgical churches, we hear this on Maundy Thursday.

But every year I ask, how can love be commanded? I would venture to say that when you fell in love with your spouse or significant other, it was not a feeling or an impulse that could be “commanded.” To be honest, it could be said that love was commanding YOU!

Most of us would say that loving feelings are not easily commanded or easily dismissed; and let’s be honest: some “one-anothers” are more easily loved than others!

But what if the love that Jesus refers to is not just a feeling? What if this love is not just something that we feel but something that we do? Like washing our companions’ feet?

Lord help us. He is teaching us that love is a choice.

This brings me to what I have stumbled upon, the Meaning of Life. I know, I know, people have tossed this question up in the air for centuries, and responses have ranged from the sublime to the ridiculous. Each one must choose their own way to find meaning. For me, the meaning of life is simple: God is not playing hide-and-seek with us. It should not take a Ph.D. or an ivory-tower theologian to tell us the meaning of life.  Simply put, the meaning of life is…

We live, we love, and then we are gone…but not too far.

That’s it. Everything else is, well, … everything else.

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.”   --I John 4:7-9

Companionship is love in action, love in real life.

I will close this week with my team text on February 2, the Feast of St. Brigid:

 Thank you so much for reading, for your friendship, and for your prayers. Feel free to subscribe to my blog for updates: I promise I will not inundate you with material!

            Wednesday, February 2

February update

February 2, Ground Hog Day,

Candlemas, Feast Day of St. Brigid of Kildare.

 

In the Celtic tradition of my ancestors, the first of February is a threshold time. It’s basically the Celtic New Year.

 

I am presently enjoying a nine-day Celtic pilgrimage each morning based on St. Brigid, whose feast day is today. She is the patron saint of the hearth and of Healing, among other things.

 

I’m in the 4th week of the new ipf medication and thanks be to God my body is tolerating the medication well and I am not experiencing any of the well-known and dreaded side effects. I’m feeling a little better and the doctor says I’m holding my own, with which he is quite pleased. We’re continuing to monitor and I’m praying/hoping for improving functionality by spring.

 

I just returned from Clarksville TN where I got to baptize Elijah my youngest grandson! It was beautiful!

 

In keeping with this threshold time, I received [a very nice] text this morning from Michelle Morris. Michelle was in charge of the Course of Study program at Hendrix College, where I have taught the course in spiritual formation for clergy. 

 

Michelle is an encourager. You, my team, are encouragers as well. Thanks as always for your prayers and continued encouragement. Remember to give thanks for each day of life, for the gift of the present moment, and for every breath you take.

 

Peace,

Bill B.

                      

“And we are put on earth a little space,

That we may learn to bear the beams of love”

--William Blake

 

Zen and the Short Pencil, Chapter Four

CHAPTER FOUR:

THE PRACTICES THAT KEEP ME GOING

“A New Rule of Life”

By the time the next leg of my journey came along, it was early fall of 2021. I was figuring out how I was going to do a little hunting and fishing with the help of others, coming to grips with the fact that it would no longer be safe for me to go on the short-term solo wilderness excursions that had been part of my lifestyle for half a century. Losing that part of my independence so suddenly was sort of a big deal, but I was thankful that I had Matt and a few trusted friends, and that I could still get around pretty well as long as I had my oxygen with me.

This would also be my first Thanksgiving, Advent, and Christmas without being a pastor in charge. Christmas Eve was always the fullest worship service of the year, and family members would drive across the state to join in worship wherever I would be preaching that night. This year, it would be different.

It was also a time for me to develop a pattern for how I would continue the spiritual and physical practices that had gotten me through the initial trauma and which would be the foundation for this next part of my life (a word of advice for whoever needs to hear this: please don’t wait until you are in crisis to develop your spiritual practices! I would have been bouncing off the walls at this point if I had not had some spiritual grounding).

About ten years ago I wrote a curriculum piece called “Hands-On Faith” in which I enumerated some 40 well-known spiritual practices, then I cautioned: 

It is important to always remember the spiritual practices are not ends in themselves.  Paul advises the Philippian Christians to “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:12-13).  The incarnational paradox is such that our faithful spiritual practices are by no means an effort towards a “works salvation” but are merely a means by which we place ourselves at God’s disposal so that God can do the work in us.  We make ourselves available to God, we make “space” for God, we submit to God and we cooperate with God.  Thomas Merton once said the biggest part of prayer is showing up.  Through the spiritual practices, we “show up” for God.

 Someone once asked in a class I was teaching on spiritual formation: “What is the difference between spiritual practices and spiritual formation?” I replied, “Spiritual practices are what we do; spiritual formation is what God does.”

Ever since St. Benedict, the pattern for how we practice our spiritual lives has been referred to as our “rule of life.” In her popular book Soul Feast: An Invitation to the Christian Spiritual Life, Marjorie Thompson writes of the importance of having some intentionality and structure in our spiritual lives:

Certain kinds of plants need support in order to grow properly.  Tomatoes need stakes, and beans must attach themselves to suspended strings.  Creeping vines like clematis and wisteria will grow on any structure they can find.  Rambling roses take kindly to garden walls, archways, and trellises.  Without support, these plants would collapse in a heap on the ground.  Their blossoms would not have the space and sun they need to flourish, and their fruits would rot in contact with the soil.  We would be unable to enjoy their beauty and sustenance.

When it comes to spiritual growth, human beings are much like these plants.  We need structure and support.  Otherwise our spirituality grows only in a confused and disorderly way.  The fruit of the Spirit in us gets tangled and is susceptible to corruption, and the beauty of our lives is diminished.  We need structure in order to have enough space, air and light to flourish.  Structure gives us the freedom to grow as we are meant to.

There is a name in Christian tradition for the kind of structure that supports our spiritual growth.  It is called a rule of life.

            --- Marjorie J. Thompson, Soul Feast: An Invitation to the Christian Spiritual Life (John Knox Press)

A Rule of Life is the development of “holy habits” that provide a supporting structure for our spiritual lives.  It is the way we order our lives to assure that we are always making the space for God to work and help us along the way to being conformed to the image of Christ.  I like the way Marjorie Thompson reminds us that structure is not something that confines us, but that “structure gives us the freedom to grow as we are meant to.”

My new set of circumstances – my physical location, retirement status, and dealing with my illness – would necessitate arranging my daily life in a whole new way. It called for a new Rule of Life.

My Rule of Life has been described in general terms on my blog as “Pray. Be. Enjoy.”  This general statement remains the same; only the underlying order of things is new. Herein are the practices that I have come to regard as essential for this time of my life:

Centering Prayer, both solo and in small group

A—C—T—S Prayer with “Protestant Rosary” Beads

Walking: in nature, in the neighborhood and on the labyrinth

Worship

Mindfulness

Gratitude

Reconciliation

 Here is a brief description of how I practice these:

 CENTERING PRAYER. This is my starting point for prayer every day: Centering Prayer as revived, shared and taught by Fr. Thomas Keating, Basil Pennington, Cynthia Bourgeault, David Frenette, and others. I practice alone and also with a small group that meets once a month online for centering prayer and lectio divina. It is silent, meditative, contemplative prayer, to begin simply showing up to be in God’s presence prior to any discursive or dialogical prayer.

 A—C—T—S Prayer with “Protestant Rosary” Beads. Have you ever lost your place and wondered if you had forgotten something you wanted to pray about? These bead sets were made popular a few years ago by the best-selling book A Bead and a Prayer: A Beginner’s Guide to Protestant Prayer Beads by Kristen Vincent. We had a lot of fun making these little sets of beads when lots of people were doing this, and I still have a couple of sets. They provide a physical, tactile way of engaging our bodies in our prayers. They consist of four rows of seven beads, separated by a larger bead. I use the ACTS model as follows:

           1.       Adoration: the best place to start a prayer is with words of praise. Good places to find these are the psalms and our praise songs and hymnals.

          2.      Confession: When I realize that I am coming into the presence of God for prayer, I may get a feeling that I need to ask for grace and forgiveness before proceeding.  The model I use is the Seven Deadly Sins as described by St. John of the Cross (1542-1591).  They are pride, anger, envy, lust, greed, gluttony, and sloth. These were described in spiritual terms by John but they can be applied in more fleshly terms as well. I simply go one-by-one and ask the Spirit to reveal to me any known or unknown sin that needs to be dealt with (see Psalm 19:12-13).

          3.      Thanksgiving: I could go on and on about this….

          4.      Supplication: This is (finally) where I get out my “prayer list” and go one by one, name by name, to pray for those who are especially on my heart. I also pray for my family and for my team, who have been so faithful to pray for me and check on me. Then I will pray for myself.

Walking.  I have always loved walking; it’s been my favorite exercise. But now, walking any distance is HARD. I still do it as much as I can, and I am sorry that I ever took it for granted. I walk in the neighborhood, at the city park and once or twice a year on a labyrinth.  I have walked labyrinths all over the place and they are a wonderful way to pray. A labyrinth is not like a maze: a maze is designed to get you lost; on the labyrinth, if you stay on the path, you will eventually go into the center and back out again.

Worship. With the pandemic going on and my diminished lung capacity and immunity, I have avoided most in-person worship but am slowly returning. Whether in-person or online, worship is indispensable to the spiritual life.

Mindfulness. This has been one of the most important resources for me throughout, and I am so glad that I learned something of this practice before I got sick. I try to practice this all day as much as I can, for it is the best way I know of to “pray without ceasing.” Be sure and look at my friend Amy Oden’s book on Christian mindfulness.

Gratitude.  Again, one of the most therapeutic things I know.

Reconciliation. You might not have thought of this as a spiritual practice.  But I have seen too many people leave this Earth with unresolved matters which left a lot of pain behind. As much as possible, if there is anyone who needs to be forgiven, I want to forgive them, with God’s help. If I have wronged someone, I want to ask their forgiveness while I am still around to do that. If I appreciate the positive influence someone has had on my life, I want to let them know. And I don’t want to miss an opportunity to tell my loved ones that I love them.   

So, these are the practices that God is using to carry me through, along with the support of trusted friends (Feel free to contact me about any of these: spiritual practices are pretty much my wheelhouse). Everyone’s practice will be different; the main thing is to pay attention to where God is leading.  

New Year’s Eve 2021 represented six months in.  Six days later, I sent this to my team:

Thursday, January 6, 2022

 

Update January 6 Epiphany 2022

 

On Friday, New Year’s Eve, I drove to Heber Springs to check on my boat which is docked there. Only once since I got sick in June-July have I felt like going. It had been my plan to spend my first day of retirement relaxing on the boat. As you know, I spent that first day and the next eight days in the hospital instead.

 

Anyway, on my way back I passed an Episcopal church that has a sign which invited the public to stop and walk the beautiful labyrinth on their grounds. I’ve passed that church lots of times; this time I stopped.

 

As I stood at the entrance to the labyrinth, I knew what I needed to do with this particular walk. Last year was such a threshold year for me, I knew I needed to take some burdens to the center and leave them there. I took more than 30 years of my cherished roles in parish ministry, along with the shell-shock of receiving such a sudden and abrupt terminal diagnosis, along with an assortment of self-blame and regrets from the past, and pressed my hands into the ground in the center. After a few minutes I rose and walked the circuits outward to begin the next part of my life. There are many forms of Healing.

 

On this Epiphany evening I have two prayer requests for you my team (in addition to the regular miracle prayer):

 

Today I have received the special medication that it took so long to get. It’s called ofev and it’s known for two things: it’s astronomically expensive [] and potentially dreadful side effects. But this is one of only two treatments that are known to slow the progression of the disease and prolong life. My pulmonologist has helped me apply for and receive a foundation grant to take care of the cost, which would have been prohibitive. For that I am thankful!

 

So my two prayer requests are:

One, that the medication is effective and that I can continue to function as well as I am now, or even better;

Two, that my body will tolerate the medicine without serious side effects.

 

As always, it means a lot for you to be part of my prayer/support team and I’m here for you anytime.

Lots of love,

Bill B

 

Next week will be Holy Week.  My prayers are with you, my readers, and with all the churches and pastors who have led their people through Lent and who will be preparing to proclaim the Crucifixion and Resurrection of our Lord. 

The theme of next week’s missal will be “From Team to Tribe” (“The Necessity of Companionship”), with an added mention that I believe I may have stumbled upon the actual Meaning of Life.